To The Mama Struggling With “Mom-Guilt”, You Need To Read This…

“Mom guilt” is a prison of its own. The obsessive, defeating thoughts will take you into a storm of self-sabotage and negativity, if you allow it.

So our focus today? You may have already guessed it! Growing out of the confines of the mom guilt prison and growing into the arms of our loving and merciful God.

Before I go on, a lot of what you are about to read in this post may be convicting. Honestly, as the Holy Spirit was telling me what to write in this post, I felt convicted too! So I want to first remind you of the concept of cognitive dissonance; the feelings that arise when our egos feel threatened. Please do yourself a favor and set these feelings aside and keep an open mind. And before you continue reading, please take a moment to close your eyes, pray and ask God for His guidance. If you feel friction from these words, remember that it is not the words, but a sign that something within you needs to be identified and conquered/healed.

At some point in the many seasons of our motherhood, we have all experienced “mom-guilt”to some degree. Maybe you feel/felt guilty for things you said or did or maybe you feel/felt guilt for the things you didn’t say and didn’t do. Either way, we are going to explore that today and understand how to let it go AND how to allow it help us grow.

It can be very easy to allow our egos to dwell in the emotions of guilt and shame. It may start off as a single thought, and then magnify into a tornado of self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. This completely destroys the entire purpose of feeling guilt in the first place.

The ONLY purpose that guilt serves is to help us identify the wrong in our lives so that we can change it. After we make the realizations we need to, guilt serves ZERO purpose. In fact, dwelling in the emotions of guilt and shame KEEP US from growth and create a wall between us and God.

So, repeat after me: I will use guilt to help me identify the areas in my life that I need to work on, and after that, I will LET IT GO! 

Setting aside time for contemplative meditation will help you identify your wrongdoings, without dwelling in them!

“This set time enables you to identify and

correct your mindless thoughts of “sin” that you were previously blind to, without overthinking, or dwelling, in them, especially the guilt, embarrassment, or shame that may follow.” (Melchizedek’s Pearls of Love)

Think of it this way: God is perfect. Do you think he made a mistake when he made you? No way! It is the sin that is within your heart and your mind that create the problems in your life. This is why Apostle Paul tells us that “It is not me, but the sin within me”. Paul is not being unaccountable when he says that. He is telling us that he doesn’t define himself by the thing he has done wrong, but instead, uses them as opportunities to grow. He is telling us to separate ourselves from our wrongdoings and use them to identify and crucify that selfish part of us. Dwelling in them only fuels them; setting our entire life on fire. 

Guilt is often times expressed through the victim consciousness. Thoughts such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a bad mom” or “I’m such an idiot” stem from the victim consciousness. In other words, your ego uses these thoughts to feel like a victim in order to shield you from emotional pain. Think about this for a minute. These thoughts are the same energy/mentality as “poor me I can’t do anything right”. Because it is you accepting a fate of not being able to do anything INSTEAD of realizing that God made you in His image, honoring His light within you and conquering/changing.

“Do not get caught up in your own story when it

exposes itself. Do not react to your “anguish,” it is a trap. Just observe and identify your sin in whatever form(s) that it takes, and then separate yourself from it. Only then can you take appropriate action to control and eradicate it. This is the only way to see the higher truth, learn and grow. Remember this well: The darkness within is easiest to conquer when it is stirred up because this is when it is most “exposed,” making it most vulnerable, as long as you are mindful to it and take appropriate action.” (Melchizedek’s Pearls of Love)

I have linked this book several times in this text and here if would like to read it in its entirety, which I cannot recommend enough. This book changed my entire life and it is why I am here today.

So you may be asking “what DO I do when guilt comes up?”

When feelings of guilt come, I like to follow this action plan! I must mention too, most of these action steps are taken from Melchizedek’s Pearls of Love.

1. Identify what is causing the guilt and where you went wrong.

2. Separate yourself from it. Remind yourself that just because you messed up, doesn’t mean you have to associate or identify yourself with it. It means you must grow and change!

3. Apologize to your kids, or whoever you may have wronged, if necessary. And don’t be afraid to tell them your action plan! This helps you be not only a great role model, but also encourages you to stay strong when you’re challenged the next time.

4. Set your intention to conquer that part of yourself that created this problem in the first place and let it go!

   
   

It doesn’t matter what you DID in the past. The only thing that matters is how you RESPOND to it. Do you dwell in it and allow it to keep you from growth? Or do you surrender to it and grow from it?

Still not motivated? Let’s talk about Paul. Before Paul began his ministry in Christ, he was KILLING Christians. Killing them with cold-hearted murder. But guess what? God forgave him! Why? Paul turned from his evil ways (changed himself) and he became one of Jesus’s greatest apostles. Had Paul not changed his ways and forgave himself for his wrongdoings, he wouldn’t have wrote THIRTEEN books of the Bible that we depend on for spiritual growth.

So if you’re feeling guilty, ask yourself: if I don’t identify and conquer this guilt, what am I missing out on? 

Mamas, we have to remember that the days may be long, but the years are so short. Don’t waste one precious moment dwelling in guilt and shame. Change it now!

And remember: if you expect God to have mercy on you, you must also have mercy on yourself! 

“Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Interlude Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Interlude Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment. For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Interlude The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.” Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!” (Psalms‬ ‭32‬:‭1‬-‭11)‬ ‭

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I pray this post has encouraged and motivated you to take action!

May God give you peace and guidance!

God Bless,

Taylor